if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
