Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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