HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
