I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
