4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
