Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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