will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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