dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
