i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
