Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
