Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
one might say we're banned from that church
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
