She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She's the barista slut.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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