You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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