K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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