it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
