Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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