Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
