i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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