He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
