No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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