living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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