Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
