my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
