I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
