im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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