I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
