he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
