Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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