Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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