Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
