At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
