mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
