508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
