I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
