I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
