Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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