He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
