so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
