Pants 0. Shit 1.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
