Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
