its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
