He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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