WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
