If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
