yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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