i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
