Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
