I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
