OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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