So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
