Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
