When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
