My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
