mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
