Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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