she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
